Brother's Keeper
by schillingklaus
Summary: Dustin is reverted to a baby by Quinn's experiments. Zoey needs to take care of him until a first love kiss may restore his teenage.


**Brother's Keeper**

* * *

**Klaus Schilling**

* * *

**Rating**

PG-13

* * *

**Disclaimer**

I don't own any of the used shows and other works of art.

* * *

**Description**

* * *

**Fandoms**:

* * *

_Zoey 101_, _The iCarly Show_, _Unfabulous_, _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_, _Drake & Josh_, _True Jackson VP_

******Genre**:

* * *

Family, Fluff, Friends, Science Fiction, Supernatural

******People**:

* * *

Zoey Brook–Spencer Shay, Dustin Brook–Carly Shay, …

******Summary**:

* * *

A stray experiment by Quinn reverts Dustin into a baby. Zoey has to take care of him. Only the first true love kiss may turn Dustin back into a teenager.

******Timeline**:

* * *

diverges season 2 _The iCarly Show_, season 1 _True Jackson VP_, post-series elsewherer

* * *

**Background**

* * *

written for B. Yel'tsin's request

* * *

written for _LiveJournal_-Community _Crossovers100_, claim _Pacific Coast Academy_, prompt _Fixed_

* * *

**Contents**

* * *

Chapter 1 Zoey's Birthday

* * *

Chapter 2 Breastfeeding

* * *

Chapter 3 Inflated

* * *

Chapter 4 Lullaby

* * *

Chapter 5 Off To Seattle

* * *

Chapter 6 Lessons In Art

* * *

Chapter 7 Delicate Spot

* * *

Chapter 8 Like A Trojan Horse

* * *

**Chapter 1 Zoey's Birthday**

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

Zoey's senior year, after Spring Break

******Place**:

* * *

lounge of Butler Hall

******People**:

* * *

Quinn Pensky, Lola Martinez, Chase Matthews, Logan Reese, Michael Barret, Dustin Brooks, various other pupils (background)

* * *

Lola sighed. 'OK, Zoey turns eighteen next weekend, and we need to plan a party.'

Logan raised a hand. 'Beach party, all girls in bikini!'

The others glared aghast at Logan, thundering 'No!' at the top of their lungs.

Lola shrugged. 'We could make a theatre play, with Zoey as the only live viewer…. plus some hidden cam that records my perfect performance, so Malcolm Reese will give me the main part in his new show, it's a modern version of all those faerie tales about dormant princesses that get kissed awake by their charming prince. I have to play the princess. Maybe Orlando Bloom or Ashton Kutcher will be the prince.' Lola was shut up on site. She pouted.

Michael would have liked to make a pyjama party, but the last one had be a disastrous event, as Chase had received news about a deceased relative during that party.[1:1]_These bad memories would have spoiled everything._

Chase suggested a common dinner in _Sushi Rox_.

Quinn nodded. 'Probably, she will always appreciate that…'

The friends agreed fast on that suggestion.

Chase wondered whether everybody had got his birthday presents ready.

Logan nodded. 'I think a kiss is the best gift I can bestow upon a girl.'

Michael, Quinn, and Lola glared disapprovingly at Logan.

Lola wanted to buy Zoey a new dress.

Quinn wanted to build a new webcam for Zoey.

Michael wanted to get rid of his old, stick-driven car.[1:2] 'Zoey is good with that…'

Dustin sighed. 'You know, when Zoey turns eighteen, she will be assigned official guardianship over me, as our parents are in England, and will still stay across the Atlantic for the next four years.'

Quinn nodded. 'And I remember that you always protested as you think that you don't need a guardian, and stuff…'

Lola chimed in. 'Unless you're chased by frenzied ninjas…'[1:3]

Quinn nodded.

Dustin moaned, 'hey! I jusy want to turn into a better little brother for Zoey.'

Lola shrugged. 'My little sister'cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Surprise!_' promises that all the time, but she never sticks to it.'

Michael shrugged. 'And so? It is impossible to know how to be a better sister for you, as you always fool people by your acting.'

Lola protested. 'I don't!'

Chase aghreed with Michael. 'You once fooled me into believing that you had a crush on me.'[1:4]

Lola fainted. 'How did you figure that?'

Logan grinned. 'It wasn't that hard, as you had been trying out for my dad's show _Kissing A Dork_, just two weeks after you dated Chase.'

Lola sighed with dismay. 'Damn!'

Chase chuckled. 'So, Dustin, do you knowhow to be a better little brother for Zoey?'

Dustin shrugged cluelessly.

Quinn scratched her head. 'Come on, Zoey must have dropped a few remarks, every now and then…'

Dustin nodded. 'But from the top of my head, I don't remember…'

Quinn grinned. 'There I may help you… I may wire you with some electrodes and stuff, they will scan your memories, and then they will turn you into the little brother 6that Zoey would like to have, akin to your memories.'

Dustin smiled. 'That would be… fantastic,' boomed he at top volume.

Chase tried to protest. 'I don't think Zoey will appreciate if you perforate Dustin with electrodes and stuff…'

Dustin pouted. 'But hey, it's for the better of Zoey!'

Quinn agreed, 'Yeah!'

The boys shrugged.

Logan shook his head. 'You're insane! I'm now going on a date with Maris…'

Maris Bingham was a junior that was new at PCA. She was right in Logan's league, totally unlike Quinn who had trashed him during the previous summer break.

Quinn shrugged. 'Then go!' She was already thinking about her wonderful,itherto untested upgraded and improved brain scanner that was going to fulfill Zoey's wish concerning a better little brother.

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

next evening

******Place**:

* * *

Quinn's secret laboratory, somewhere on the campus

******People**:

* * *

Quinn Pensky, Dustin Brooks, Cal[1:5]

* * *

Quinn had called Dustin into her hidden secret laboratory.

Dustin grinned. 'Hi!'

Quinn smiled. 'Dustin, this is my fiancé Cal. That's not his real name, but I gave him that name because he graduated from Caltech, with a major in nuclear physics. He's an expert for radioactivity, and he has invented a nuclear plant that can be installed painlessly in each apartment. It's powerful enough to provide all of Pasadena with elictricity.'

Dustin was impressed. 'That's great!'

Cal shook Dustin's hands. 'Now I move to Seattle, Bushwell Plaza.'

That address rang a bell in Dustin. 'Cool! My favourite webshow is produced in that plaza…'

Cal smiled. 'Oh, really? The world is so small…'

Dustin nodded. 'You have to visit them. The host is Carlotta Shay, apartment 8C. She's cool!' Dustin blushed. 'You need to show up in her web show.'

Cal promised to try his best in order to make it into the web show.

Quinn shrugged. 'OK, we may now proceed with the experiment. Cal will supervise the instruments while I push the buttons..'

Dustin grinned. 'OK!'

Quinn started wiring Dustin. 'It won't hurt…'

Dustin was accustomed to that. He had suffered from icecubes being stuffed down his pants[1:6], and his feet being tickled with laser cannons[1:7]. _It couldn't become any worse, could it?_

Cal repeatedly told Quinn a few numbers he had read from the instruments.

Quinn reacted accordingly.

One last button was there to push.

5….4…3…2

Zip! Boom! Swash! Bang!

A cloud of smoke and dust billowed all around Dustin.

Quinn was excited. 'Dustin, are you OK?' _He should now be as Zoey would have always wanted him…_

Time after time, the smoke dissipated.

Cal was consternated. 'A baby?'

Dustin cried like a baby.

Oops!

Quinn squealed in terror, worse than Nicole or Lola ever did.

Cal choked. 'Zoey always wanted her brother to be a little baby?'

Quinn sighed deeply. 'It seems so… at least Distin must have got that impression, somewhere deep inside…'

Cal nodded. 'She will be happy about that birthday gift, won't she?'

Quinn stammered, 'errrr… maybe? I hope so… otherwise I'll have to be so sorry…'

* * *

**Chapter 2 Breastfeeding**

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

Zoey's eighteenth birthday, early morning

******Place**:

* * *

101 Brenner Hall

******People**:

* * *

Quinn Pensky, Zoey Brooks, Chase Matthews, Michael Barret, Logan Reese, Dustin Brooks (hidden in a cardboard box)

* * *

Zoey woke up.

Michael, Logan, Lola, Quinn, and Chase were gathered around her bed. They started singing.

* * *

Oh  
She's a jolly good fellow  
She's a jolly good fellow  
She's a jolly good fellow  
Which nobody can deny  
Which nobody can deny  
Oh  
She's a jolly good fellow Which nobody can deny.

* * *

Zoey grinned. 'Thanks! You're the best friends.'

The others smiled.

Chase started with the birthday gifts. 'OK, this book is for you… oops! Now you know that it's a book, I mean, it's not like you wouldn't notice it soon, anyways, but…'

Zoey shook her head when she tried to unknot the ribbon around the wrapped gift. 'Sorry, I have to damage the braids and loops…' She cut through the ribbon with a pair of scissors. Then she unwraopped the flower-paper that covered the gift. 'The latest book by J.T. Hawthorne,'[2:1] squealed Zoey with excitement.

Chase grinned. 'Hand-signed and dedicated…'

Zoey smiled. 'Thank you so very much, Chase!'

Michale handed Zoey the key to his old car. 'You're a much better stick driver than me.'

Zoey grinned. 'OK, I think so! Thank you!'

Logan had given up on his perverse gift, so he gave Zoey just a diamond. smiling arrogantly.

Zoey shrugged. She didn't want to be impolite, but she was not keen on Logan's bragging.

Lola gave Zoey a dress. 'Genuine MadStyle, designed by your pen-friend True Jackson!'

Zoey smiled sweetly. 'Thanks!' She stood up and yawned. 'Should I try it before or after breakfats?'

Lola chuckled. 'Er… for dinner. We've booked _Sushi Rox_ for your birthday party.'

Quinn, Michael, Logan, and Chase nodded solemnly.

Zoey beamed. 'I love sushi!'

Quinn was now ready for her borthday gift for Zoey. 'This is a hand-made webcam, so you may chat better with your mom.'

Zoey smiled and thanked Quinn. 'And that box?' She pointed at some large cardboard cube with several holes.

The words _fragile_ and _living_ were stamped across the cardboard.

Quinn explained carefully, 'It's from Dustin… I had to help him a bit…' Sge coughed.

In no time, Michael, Logan, and Chase disappeared from sight, leavimg Lola and Quinn alone in their critical situation.

Zoey opened the box. 'A baby? He's cute!' Zoey took the crying bundle into her arms, smiling. 'He looks like Dustin when he was a baby. You've searched on the interweb for a baby most similar to Dustin's infancy pics, and then borrowed him for today, as you know how happy I used to be 14 years ago when I held him tightly for the first time, right?'

Lola and Quinn gaped. _That would ave been a great white lie if they had found anyone to "return" Dustin to. Alas, they didn't…_

Zoey coughed. 'You don't want to say that Dustin has become a dad?' She was consternated. 'Who is the mom? You can't be, as i would have noticed that… wait, Quinn's science may have hidden that fact… Quinn, what exactly have you done with Dustin right before Junior prom?' She grabbed Quinn firmly. 'Was that what you mean with having helped Dustin with his birthday gift? Fess up now, or…'

Lola suddenly escaped through the window, leaving Quinn all alone with enraged Zoey and baby Dustin.

Quinn trembled with excessive terror.

Alas, it as it had to do with Quinn's science, Quinn went totally pale.

Zoey almost strangled Quinn.

A few minutes later, Lola returned, stammering a few clumsily chosen words in order to save Quinn's life, and to explain the situation.

Zoey coughed. 'You've turned Dustin into a baby? How dare you…'

Quinn screamed.

Lola tried to calm Quinn. 'Really, Zoey, it was Dustin's wish. He know that you prefer him to be a baby.'

Zoey gasped. 'I do what?' _But were Quinn and Lola really wrong? She had often been looking withg glee at Dustin's baby pics, she had treated him in a totally patronising manner, as if he had been a baby. And worst of all…_ She stammered, 'when mom and dad came to PCA in order to tell us about London, my first reaction was like 'A baby?''

Quinn grinned. 'Dustin has probably seen that. He must think, after all, that he's more loved as a baby than as a teenager… especially by you.'

Zoey nodded sadly.

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

evening hours

******People**:

* * *

Lola Martinez, Zoey Brooks, Dustin Brooks, Quinn Pensky

* * *

Finally, the girls returned from _Sushi Rox_.

Zoey was still worried, the wonderful party notwithstanding. She felt miserable because she had lied unto her parents when they called from London for her birthday, as expected, but they had also wanted to talk to Dustin.

Quinn opened her closet. 'OK, Zoey, I've still got some baby goo on store. Which one do you think does Dustin like most? Carots, peas, cucumbermelon,…'

Zoey coughed when she held Dustin firmly in her arms. 'Er… have you got gummi worm flavour?'

Quinn glared. 'Gummi worms? Sure not!'

Zoey sighed. 'I guess so… it's totally unhealthy, and Dustin should only get fed with best natural ingredients.' She shrugged. 'I think he liked carots pretty much, yeah, he definitely did, although he was always too lazy to chew raw carots.'

Quinn nodded. 'OK… there you are… goo for Dustin!'

Zoey smiled. She started feeding Dustin. 'OK, one spoon for daddy, one spoon for mommy, one spoon for Zoey, …'

Dustin actually swallowed the thing.

Zoey wondered whether Quinn was already busily researching a way to restore Dustin to teenage.

Quinn moaned, 'I guess strongly that the key is that Dustin has to feel more loved as a teenager than as a baby, then he will recover fast enough.'

Lola smiled. 'Yeah, treat him like dirt, and…'

Quinn fired a laser beam from her wrist at Lola.

Zoey concluded that Dustin may have needed a girlfriend. 'Too bad most teenager girls are not exactly into baby boyfriends… ant don't you do dare to…'

Lola shuddered with disgust. 'That dweeb?'

Quinn grunted, 'Hey, Dustin isn't exactly a hottie,but now he must feel even more unloved as a teenager…'

Lola and Quinn started arguing, Zoey's attempts of calming them notwithstanding.

Zoey was glad that she was already official guardian for Dustin, thus she could do a lot like signing up for his health insurance and so on without having to ask mom and dad. But for many other things, she had recently joined the forum at brotherskeeper DOT com, a site on the interweb for guardians of their younger siblings.

When Zoey had still been struggling with her decision about custody, the site's members had helped her a lot, but most helpful of them all had been one Spencer Shay, a 27 years old law-school dropout who took care of a sister of 14 years.

Zoey decided to contact said Mr. Shay about her new, much more demanding situation. She sat at her laptop.

Quinn asked an emerging question. 'Zoey, you know that Dustin will also need milk.'

Zoey nodded.

'Do you want to buy baby milk, or breastfeed Dustin,' asked she.

Zoey gasped. 'Isn't the latter impossible as I haven't been recently pregnant?' She wasn't comfortable with the prospects of Dustin suckling at her, anyways.

Lola almost threw up upon the thought of breastfeeding Dustin.

Quinn grinned. 'You're right, usually it wouldn't work, but I've invented some hormonal mix…' She showed Zoey a few test tubes. 'They will stimulate you into… oh, you may choose between pills and syringe…'

A syringe with a very long needle appeared in Quinn's hands.

Lola almost passed out.

Quinn grinned. 'Bought baby milk is full of chemistry. You only eat fresh vegetables and sea food. You want to feed Dustin as healthy as possible, right?'

Zoey shook her head. 'Sorry, but I don't trust that stuff,' moaned Zoey, 'your inventions have too many side effects, and I don't want to endanger Dustin with those.'

Quinn pouted sadly.

Lola pondered. _Those hormonals would probably make a girl's breasts grow faster. Bigger chest prependixes could have meant more popularity as an actress, more fame, better rôles at Hollywood, more money… Quinn's invention was a perfect career booster!_ Lola just had to wait until Zoey and Quinn had fallen asleep, and then…

* * *

**Chapter 3 Inflated**

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

next morning, before breakfast

******Place**:

* * *

101 Brenner Hall

******People**:

* * *

Zoey Brooks, Dustin Brooks, Quinn Pensky (later), Lola Martinez

* * *

Zoey and Dustin — in Zoey's bed — were still asleep when Quinn woke up.

Lola was not there.

Quinn shrugged, and she wondered where Lola was that early, as she used to be the one to wake up last from her beauty sleep. Then she checked her cache. _Oh dern, half of the pills are missing?_ Quinn shook Zoey away.

Zoey yawned.

Quinn asked Zoey whether she had changed her mind.

Zoey shook her head, still apretty much tired.

Suddenly, a loud squeal was heard from the next bathroom.

Quinn gasped. _That sounded like Lola._ Quinn opened the door. 'Lola?'

Lola returned from the bathroom, wrapped in an extra large wide bathroom cape. 'Quinn! I went from cupsize B to F in less than…'

Quinn was consternated. _That's where the pills had gone…_

Lola compained that the pressure was strong, and it burned like fire…

Quinn chuckled. 'The stuff was balanced for Zoey. On others it may have devastating consequences. Think of the boys eating for those pills and…'

Lola would have gagged, but… _hey, I could be fun…_

Still, Lola's breasts burned like hellfire.

Quinn shrugged. 'The effects will wear off in two or three…'

Lola replied, 'two or three what? Hours? Days?'

Quinn sighed. 'Maybe… or four or five…'

Lola was desperate. 'Weeks? Months?'

Quinn grunted, 'how would I know, I haven't told you to take those, now you must live with that.'

Lola moaned, 'but it hurts so much…'

Quinn grinned. 'Well, the pressure will go down if you let Dustin suckle…'

Lola looked consternated. 'May I wear a blindfold?'

Zoey and Quinn agreed reluctantly.

As his guardian, Zoey filed a pass for Dustin.

Quinn made a fake doctor's stamp on it. '_Derma Temiculitis_'[3:1]

Zoey sighed. 'Off with it to Dean Rivers… what is that dermoclitis anyways?'

Quinn grunted, '_Derma Temiculitis_ is _a rare skin disease that makes your hand and feet turn all green._'

Lola screamed with dismay.

Quinn told Lola to shut up and to keep on feeding Dustin.

Lola sighed deeply. But she obeyed to Quinn's stern commands, as it actually helped to reduce the pressure in her breasts. 'I'll need a wide costume form my costume storage today…'

Zoey nodded. 'May I fetch one for you if you give me the key to the drama club's repository?'

Lola agreed. 'OK, do that! The key is in my closet, somewhere…'

Zoey searched, rummaging through Lola's obscure belongings. Finally, she found te right key. 'OK, off I am…'

Quinn was also worried because Dustin may keep them awake all night.

He hadn't yet done that, but babies have that annoying attitude. 'Michael could play a lullaby on his flute…'

Lola almost threw up.

Finally, Dustin was fed up completelt.

Lola's pain have stopped for the time being, as well.

Quinn shrugged, 'My little half-bro Nevel plays the recorder really well. He could…'

Lola wondered where he was, as she had never seen him around.

Quinn replied, 'in Seattle…'

Lola groaned. 'Do you want to send Dustin to Seattle?'

Quinn shrugged. 'Dunno… in my secret lab at home I may find remedies for you and one for Dustin.'

Lola reminded Quinn that it was the middle of their senior year.

Quinn grunyed, 'you don't have to come if you don't want to…'

Lola nodded. 'And your Nevel is probably a disgusting dweeb.'

Quinn was annoyed by that remarked, and she pressed Lola's elbow switftly in a way that made her pass out.

Zoey returned with a strange costume. 'Lola?'

Quinn explaine dthe situation.

Zoey understaood that Quinn had been upset, as she would have anyone call Dustin a dweeb, either. 'But now we need to stuff Lola into this thing.'

Quinn was flabbergasted. 'What is that?'

Zoey replied, 'it's a _muumuu_.'

Quinn was dumbfounded.

Zoey chuckled. 'I've seen those things often on Maui.'

Quinn shrugged.

Lola started to recover from her paralysis when Quinn and Zoey made her don the muumuu. 'eeeew…'

Zoey shrugged. 'I know it isn't the best design, but it's the widest thing that I could find…'

Lola moaned with disgust.

Next, Quinn asked Zoey whether she wanted to come with her to her home in Seattle. 'My might find a faster remedy…'

Zoey nodded sadly. 'Hope it works…'

Quinn remarked, 'I have to go there next week in order to perform sone eye lasering on a certain Ma Puckett, the meanest beast of the whole westside of Seattle, a woman with no heart at all.'[3:2]

Zoey gasped.'You still perform those surgeries?'

Quinn grinned proudly. 'Practising on Mark was great!'[3:3]

Zoey shrugged. 'You have to know what you do…'

Quinn smiled.

Then Zoey remembered something. 'Ma Puckett… hey, isn't Puckett the real surname of that obnoxious beats Trisha Kirby[3:4]?'

Quinn nodded. 'Indeed, Ma Puckett is mother of Samantha Puckett, known unto us better as Trisha Kirby, and of Melanie Puckett, the leading majorette of our school parade.'

Zoey sighed. _Going to Seattle was a great occasion to see said Spencer Shay from brotherskeeperDOTcom, but there was one more thing._ 'You said that when Dustin feels wanted as a teenager by his girlfriend, he will return to teenage?'

Quinn nodded.

Zoey cheered. 'OK, let's talk Trisha, or Samantha, whatever she calls herself now, into taking Dustin back.'

Lola coughed. 'Hey, but you hated Trisha.'

Zoey sighed. 'I did, but if it helps to get Dustin to return to teenage, I better try it! Finally, it's all my fault, hadn't I talked him into everything and dissuaded from anything else, he wouldn't feel that he's most wanted as a baby.'

Quinn looked flabberghasted. 'OK… if you wish?'

Zoey smiled.

Quinn wrote a fake pass for Zoey. 'You need to go to Seattle for an expert on _derma temiculitis_…'

Zoey nodded. 'OK, we can deceive Dean Rivers and his pack, but what about Dustin's roomies?'

Quinn and Lola had not really thought about that, either.

Tough times were in front of them…

And who knows what Lola was up to, knowing that Quinn's pill had desastrous effects on boys…

* * *

**Chapter 4 Lullaby**

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

evening of same day

******Place**:

* * *

007 Bond Hall[4:1]

******People**:

* * *

Jack Jackson[4:2], Robert Carmichael[4:3], Zoey Brooks, Dustin Brooks, Megan Parker (phone)

* * *

Zoey had entered Dustin's usual dorm, 007 Bond Hall, in order to see his room-mates. She carried Dustin in her arms.

Dustin cried like a rainstorm.

Jack's eyes bugged out. 'Is that your baby? He's so sweet!'

Zoey shook her head. She had known that questions like these were coming. _But it was so annoying!_ 'It is Dustin!'

Robbie and Jack looked totally consternated.

Zoey sighed. 'Quinn and her experiments…'

Jack understood. 'She's quinnsane.'

Zoey nodded.

Robbie grunted, 'so he has not really got derma temiculitis?'

Zoey shook her head. 'Quinn had to write something in order to get Dustin a pass, as nobody in the administration would have believed her story.'

Jack wanted to keep Dustin in their dormitory room.

Zoey would not been at ease with Dustin in other hands then her own, but it was probably better to rotate Dustin in order to avoid the attraction of the dorm advisers. _Coco was a dumb idiot, but her colleagues weren't that stupid._

Jack sighed.

Robbie remarked that he had heard about that disease before. 'My neighbourhood girl, Megan Parker, has once dyed her elder brother's hands and feet all green, making him balieve in being sick, the remedy being lizard pee.'

Zoey choked. 'Egad!'

Robbie chuckled. 'He's such a jerk. He has only bad girls and loud music on his mind.'

Zoey scratched her chin. 'Parker? As in Drake Parker?'

Robbie chuckled.'The one and only!'

Zoey choked. She had worked her butt off in order to get Drake once to perform at a party of the _Pacific Coast Academy_.[4:4] 'Can you get Drake toperform at our Senior Prom?'

Robbie shrugged. 'Maybe, maybe not…'

Zoey sighed. _Drake was now even much more famous than four years ago when he had just started his career, amd hence more expensive and harder to get. But he would have spiced up the whole prom, given that the band at junior prom was a bunch of thieves._[4:5]

Robbie was clueless.

Zoey remarked that she was soon going to Seattle, where Quinn was going to try to find a remedy for Dustin.

Robbie grinned. 'Hey, Seattle is in Washington?'

Zoey nodded.

Robbie continued, 'I've seen a cool girl in a web show from there, her name is Mandy Valdez.[4:6] She wears a funnt ducky costume.' He did the duck dance.

Zoey shrugged.

Robbie proposed, 'OK, you give me a date with Mandy, and I will get Drake to perform at your prom. Deal?'

Zoey sighed. _That sounded messy, but it should have been worth the efforts._

Robbie continued, 'in the meanwhile, Megan could be more useful for you.'

Zoey gasped. 'I don't weant my hands and feet dyed in green! It doesn't match with my gown…'

Robbie chuckled mercilessly.

Dustin continued weeping mercilessly.

Zoey had to hold him tighter.

Robbie grinned. 'See? He cries too much. You need a good lullaby. And Megan plays the oboe perfectly.'

Zoey sighed. 'OK, get Megan to play Dustin asleep, this is not going to get anywhere…'

Robbie beamed brightly. He took his cellular phone, typing a long number. 'Hi, this is Robbie.'

Megan was a bit flabbergasted, as she had never been called by Robbie when he was at his boarding school.

Robie grinned. 'OK, I know someone who would really appreciate your oboe performance, especially the way you play Brahm's _Lullaby_'

Dustin kept on weeping even louder.

Megan understood what was going on. 'OK, but I may use your treehouse, tight?'

Robbie nodded. 'OK…'

Megan promised to upload an mp3 of her oboe performance within two measly hours. She also told Robbie and Zoey how to download that.

Zoey sighed with relief. 'Now it's time to get Lola to …' She didn't dare talking about what was going on with Lola.

Robbie shrugged. 'See us later!'

Zoey nodded, and she was on her way out.

Dustin was held safely in her arms, but he needed his dose of milk.

* * *

**Place**:

* * *

the cafeteria

******People**:

* * *

Lola Martinez, Michael Barret, Chase Matthews, Logan Reese, many other pupils (background), Zoey Brooks (later)

* * *

Logan, Michael, Chase, and Lola stood in the queue for dinner.

Logan boasted with the girls he was going to date after dinner. He gave a long list. 'Girls want me, because I am a really manly man!'

Michael and Chase wanted Logan to calm down.

Lola was disgusted by Logan's demeanour. _He so deserved a lesson…_

Logan chose his usual cheeseburger and a peppy cola,[4:7].

Lola chose a plate of vegetables.

Michael sighed. 'I hate it when Kazu is on vacation, and we can't go to _Sushi Rox_ for dinner.'

Chase agreed wholeheartedly with Michael. 'And I can't earn a few bucks for paying my dad back. You know how much I am in the debts because of switching forth and back to and from _Covington_.'

Michael grinned. 'I told you to be more careful and to overreact less. But you always have to freak out for nothing, and make things even worse.'

Chase sighed with despair.

Logan made fun of Lola's muumuu. 'That's the most ridiculous outfit I've ever seen!'

Lola was even more upset. She grunted like a pig, 'none of your business!'

Logan grinned mercilessly. But then he had to grab his mirror. He needed to check his gold teeth before staining them with his dinner. _They need to sparkle perfectly for my date afterwards…_

Lola used the time Logan spent with looking through his pockets in order to grab one of Quinn's pills she had been hiding in her sleeves, and, unnoticed by Logan, Chase, or Michael, she slipped it into Logan's softdrink.

The cola started to bubble strangely.

Logan wondered. 'Hey, why does my cola…'

Michael started talking about things he had read recently, 'if you throw peanuts into cola, they might explode.'[4:8]

Chase chuckled.

Logan shrugged briefly. He bit from his burger, and then he downed the cup of cola.

In this moment, Zoey walked in. 'Lola, it's your time…'

Dustin was left with Quinn in 101 Brenner Hall.

Lola shrugged. 'Let me have my dinner first…' Alas, she felt her breasts burning from the pressure, and she needed to ease her pains by letting Dustin suckle.

Zoey nodded.

Logan was done with his burger. 'OK, I'm now off for my dates!' He smiled triumphantly, not noticing that his voice had changed significantly.

Zoey wonderd, 'am I dreaming? I just imagined that Logan's voice sounds almost girly.'

Now that Zoey had mentioned it, Chase and Michael noticed the same.

Lola chuckled innocently. 'Have fun with your girls, Miss Reese!'

* * *

**Chapter 5 Off To Seattle**

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

next morning

******Place**:

* * *

campus square

******People**:

* * *

Logan Reese, maris Bingham, many anonymous pupils (background)

* * *

Logan was desperate, as he had now been turning more and more girly since the fatal dinner. Of course he was still basically male, but he felt in the middle of nowhere.

Many bypassing pupils laughed heartily about "Miss Reese".

Maris had crossed his way. 'Hi Logan…' The evening before, she had made fun of him. But she regretted that. 'Sorry for last night.'

Logan glared aghast.

Maris sighed. 'Of course you can still be my best female friend. I really miss Cranberry Sinclair.'

Logan squealed. 'Cranberry?' Had he still been a real boy, he would have wanted her — Michael's second cousin — too, because she wore the greatest and most glittering diamonds. 'Where is she now?'

Maris explained, 'well, she was accepted by nearby _Hollywood School for Performance Arts_, as she wants to become a popular singer.'

Logan understood that. 'Her voice is way better than that of Lisa Perkins.'

Maris nodded. 'Lisa sings like a cheap bitch…'

The two of them high-fived.

Logan thus felt still in his element.

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

evening of same day

******Place**:

* * *

101 Brenner Hall

******People**:

* * *

Lola Martinez, Quinndelyn Pensky, Zoey Brooks, Dustin Brooks

* * *

Quinn had tapped Lola's breasts with a giant syringe. 'That should be enough milk for Dustin for the trip to Seattle.'

Zoey smiled while she changed Dustin's stinky diapers.

Lola felt a lot more at ease, as the burning pressure was gone. Alas, she had whimpered in agony when Quinn pierced her breasts with the long needle.

Quinn filled the milk into some bottle.

Now it was time for Zoey to get her luggage for Seattle together.

Lola remarked that she was disappointed because Logan did not suffer enough from having turned girlish than he should have.

Quinn finally understood why Logan had changed physically. 'How did you do that, Lola?'

'Do what,' replied the drama queen.

Quinn grunted, 'get Logan to swallow my pills?'

Lola tried to deny that it had been her fault.

Alas, Zoey and Quinn did not buy Lola's excuses and alibis.

Lola sighed and admitted to her deed.

'Cool,' replied Quinn, beaming brightly. 'I should have thought of it on my own…'

Zoey nodded. 'So should I…'

The girls hihj-fived.

Zoey grunted, 'alas, Michael should not make that much fun of Logan… I mean, Logan deserves a lesson, but Michael's fake pity goes too far…'

Lola did not share Zoey's opinion.

Whatever, time was near to go to Seattle…

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

two days later, evening

******Place**:

* * *

the _Groovy Smoothie_

******People**:

* * *

Quinn Pensky, Zoey Brooks, T-Bo, Dustin Brooks, Spencer Shay (later), many anonmymous visitors

* * *

Quinn had dragged Zoey and Dustin into a juice bar called _Groovy Smoothie_. She was bound for buying some ingredients for her research and experiments. She did not want that anyone watched her obscure deals with her beloved Cal.

Zoey had agreed on this spot as the place to meet Spencer Shay, the president of _BrothersKeepers_, a virtual society for guardians of their respective little siblings.

Zoey had sat down, ready to order a blueberry smoothy with mint.

Quinn waved at Zoey. 'Bye-bye!'

Zoey sighed.'Bye!' She was a bit early.

T-Bo, a particularly annoying employee of _Groovy Smoothie_, walked in. 'Miss, do you want to buy a pickled cucumber for your little son?'

Zoey gasped. 'It's not my sun, he's my little brother!'

T-Bo laughed. 'Interesting what tricks young single mothers of today come up with in order to not scare the hot boys away…'

Zoey was really upset. 'Also, vinegar is deadly for kids at that age! Go away with your killer pickles!'

T-Bo laughed obnoxiously.

Spencer walkked in. As he had hitherto only seen a very small icon of Zoey, he did not recognise her on site. But he noticed how rude T-Bo was at the time being. He stepped up to T-Bo, 'leave her alone, you jerk, or I call Sam Puckett and her sledge-hammer!'

T-Bo was shocked. He squeled, running into the kitchen.

Spencer sighed.'It's OK, Miss… Brooks?'

Zoey nodded. 'You must be Spencer Shay!'

Spencer smiled. 'Dustin?'

Zoey nodded solemnly.

Spencer sat down. 'He has really shrunk a lot…'

'Scientists…' remarked Zoey, 'and tomorrow, the same freak is going to perform a laser surgery on some Ma Puckett.'

Spencer shrugged. 'Ma Puckett is really tough… I know her daughetr Sam…'

Zoey gasped. 'You know Samantha Puckett?'

Spencer nodded. 'She's my sister's best friend!'

Zoey beamed. 'OK, then … may you help me to get Dustin to Samantha?'

Spencer scratched his head. 'What would that be good for?'

Zoey explained that Sam, formerly Trisha, had been Dustin's first girlfriend. 'If she still loves him, he would probably revert to teenage…'

Spencer choked. 'OK, that sounds as reasonable as can be. He must love you a lot as a sister for going through this, but if he finds the love iof his life…'

Zoey nodded solemnly.

Spencer continued, 'alas, maybe you could do something for me, too…'

Zoey agreed, 'That would be fair. What do you need?'

Spencer started explaining. 'Carly loves me a lot, two, but now we've got troubles. I'm a sculptor,and I've tried to teach her some arts, as she feels embarassed because she's not perfect in arts, but she says that I'm a bad teacher…'[5:1] He sobbed and pouted.

Zoey comforted Spencer.

Spencer sighed. 'See, in your profile, you mention, among many other things, that you are also artistically inclined…'

Zoey nodded. 'I design fashionable clothes, such as backpacks[5:2], shirts[5:3], socks…'

Spencer smiled. The he swang one of his legs aloft, exposing a sock.

Zoey gasped. 'Where are they from? That's my design!'

Spencer screamed. 'My pal Socko found them on the interweb…'

Zoey shrugged. She had to find that Socko. 'OK… so… what am I supposed to do?'

Spencer explained, 'well, maybe Carly just prefers a girl as a teacher over a boy…'

Zoey pondered a bit. 'OK, I will give my best.'

Spencer smiled merrily, and he high-fived with Zoey.

Zoey did not know, as of yet, that Spencer also knew Amanda Valdex, the crush of Robert "Scooter" Carmichael, whom she was supposed to locate and contact.

* * *

**Chapter 6 Lessons In Art**

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

next evening

******Place**:

* * *

Shay loft

******People**:

* * *

Carly Shay, Zoey Brooks, Dustin Brooks, Nevel Papperman (TV)

* * *

Spencer was gone shopping for bread in nearby _Schneider's Bakery_.

Zoey had arrived in order to try to teach Carly in art.

Car;ly was not convinced. 'What difference does a female artteacher make?'

Zoey shrugged. 'Let's see.' She unpacked a folder full of her fashion designs. 'I've made those like five years ago, when I made a publicity for Jet-X scooters for a school project.'[6:1]

Carly gasped. 'Jet-X? I've bought one for Spencer last year, when he had trashed his car.'[6:2]

Zoey smiled. 'Witjhh that project, I had won — along with my roomied Dana and Nicole — a Jet-X even before they were sold in shops.'

Carly was impressed. 'Hey, why do the girls have so giant breasts?'

Zoey fainted.'Oops, I had exaggerated… alas, I know a way to achieve that.'

Carly said, 'your baby would appreciate that.'

Zoey gasped. _Why did everyone have to think that Dustin was her son?_ She tried to explain the situation. 'My friend Quinn has invented pills that lead to breast enlargenments, but they can be painful…'

Carly nodded. 'OK, I won't touch those pills…'

Zoey smiled. 'OK, I think these pictures are a bit too complicated for a start, but you might start designing Spencer's socks… I invented them, whereas Quinn made the illumination.'

Carly grinned. 'Wow! Spencer seems to like your style a lot.'

Zoey admitted that se also loved Spencer's sculptures. 'OK, please, hold your pencil uptight. I know, it sounds stupid… hold it firmly yet don't try to crush it with your fingers.'

Carly followed Zoey's instructions. _A much better teacher than Spencer! But her story about that baby… was it believable? OK, that Quinn seemed to be an insane scientist…_

Dustin started crying like crazy.

Zoey moaned, 'time for a canned lullaby!' She opened her shoulder bag, looking for her G.O. with a disk of Megan's lullaby songs. 'Arrrrghhh, I must have lost it… Megan parker, a southern Californian oboe expert, has performed for it…'

Carly grunted, 'hey I've got a cousin named Megan Parker, right in California. And her brother is Drake, the world's best rock guitarist!'

Zoey confirmed that this must have been the same Megan.

'The world is so small,' concluded Megan.

Alas, this was no help in this moment.

Dustin screamed more and more.

Zoey and Carly were desperate.

Suddenly, the TV went on, automagically!

A boy in Dustin's age thundered, 'do you rue the day, Carly? You rue it?'

Carly thuderd. 'leave us alone!'

Zoey wondered who that was.

Carly explained with disgust, 'Nevel Papperman, a freak that tries to make our life as close to hell as only possible…'

Zoey choked. _Quinn's half-brother?_ 'Leave Carly alone, or I'm going to tell Quinn!'

Nevel choked. 'Quinn? Who are you to know her…'

Zoey explained that they were room-mates at their boarding school.

Nevel shrugged. 'She won't believe you!'

Zoey looked sternly, 'maybe, maybe not. But if you abuse her generosity all the time, you will sooner or later lose her loyality, and you will regret that awfully.'

Nevel coughed, because all of his other relatives have already started hating him, including his mother.

Carly wanted Nevel to go away.

Nevel grunted, 'OK, one lullaby for that little creep…' He moaned with digust, as he would have tried to blackmail Carly somehow, a lullaby for assigning icarlyDOTcom over. But he figuured that Zoey's impact was too strong. Then he took his recorder, with which he had been fumbling all the time, and he played a lullaby for Dustin, making him fall immediately asleep.

Zoey smiled, 'see, it wasn't that hard.'

Carly nodded.

The TV turned itself off.

Zoy asked when Sam was going to come back. 'She was Dustin's first girlfriend. It has been three years ever since.'

Carly giggled. 'What? Dustin is less than a yar old.'

Zoey glared aghast.

Carly grinned. 'Oh, sure, he has been turned into a baby by some quinnsane scientist.' She still didn't know whether to believe it.

Zoey told Carly more, how mean Sam was when she seduced and abused Dustin.

Carly gasped, because this meant that Sam would have had to lie, indeed, when she sad that she had not yet kissed any boys.[6:3]_That had been hard to believe. And Sam was a habitual master liar._[_6:4_]_ So there was quite a chance that Zoey was right, if the thing with the return to infancy had been easier to believe…_

Zoey said that Dustin had given up on Sam after a few weeks, because she was too promiscuous. 'Then Sam was expelled for good, whereas Melanie was allowed to stay.'

Carly sighed. _That sounded definitely like Sam._

Zoey continued. 'Dustin tried hard to find other girlfriends. He asked my pal Logan Reese for help.'

Carly gasped, 'Reese? The Hollywood king?'

Zoey nodded. 'The one and only. Logan is such a jerk. He wanted to misguide Dustin into treating girls the same way that Sam treated boys.'

Carly was close to throwing up.

Zoey nodded. 'You see, as much as I have always disproved of Dustin and Sam, now it seems to be the only way to make Dustin see that he's better off as a teenager than a baby, of copurse this works only if Sam takes Dustin back, and vice versa. Too bad I don't see another chance, for no teenage girl would go for a boy of one year she hasn't yet come to appreciate as a real boy.'

Carly saw where Zoey was coming from. 'Wow, so you sacrifice a lot when you try to get Dustin back to a normal life…'

Zoey sighed. _That was too true._

Carly nodded. 'OK, I'm going to introduce baby Dustin to Sam tonight. But you have to do something for me.'

Zoey gasped.

Carly explained, 'Spencer has been a football player at highschool, not a quarterback or so, just a water carrier for the team, but ever since, he has been so lazy, he recently got even himself beat up by a bad neighbours' kid.[6:5]'

Zoey sighed. 'I'm the captain of our basketball team, on and off.'

Carly smiled. 'I thought something like that. So… you could go out with him and get him back to doing some sports.'

Zoey blushed. 'What? Spencer is ten years older…'

Carly looked at Zoey with her puppy eyes.

Zoey sighed. 'OK, you've won. But you have to keep good care of Dustin,'

'No problem,' promised Carly.

Finally they were done with the lessons in arts.

Carly was still not a new Rembrandt, but she was no longer a laughingstock.

They just had to wait for the return of Spencer, Freddie, and Sam.

* * *

**Chapter 7 Delicate Spot**

* * *

**People**:

* * *

Carly Shay, Spencer Shay, Zoey Brooks, Dustin Brooks, Fredward Benson, Samantha Puckett (later)

* * *

Spencer was back from his shopping trip. He was lucky that he had not taken the bus to Vancouver.

Freddie was finally done with his tick bath.

Carly had explained that she was going to watch over Dustin during the evening, if Spencer went to basketball training with Zoey.

Spencer was looking for an excuse. 'My hair hurts!'

Carly glared sternly at Spencer. 'I'm going to make you hurt something else if you keep on slacking like that. At college, you were in the swimming team.'

Spencer grinned. 'Hey! I'm going to win a yacht next year,[7:1] so I won't need to…'

Carly took a cup of water, and she flang it into Spencer's face. 'That works well with him.'

Zoey smiled. 'OK. I'll remember that.'

Spencer suggested to go and dive in the ponds of the local golf course.[7:2]

Zoey cackled. 'I'm a life guard.'

Spencer beamed. 'May I admire you in a swim suit?'

Zoey shook her head. 'Today, it's basketball. If you behave as Carly supposes you to, we will go to the swimming arena tomorrow.'

'OK, I'll do so…' Spencer sighed deeply.

Freddie asked, 'he, I want to go to the swimming arena, too. The local synchrone swimming is said to be got.'

The Plaza started shaking at whim, without an apparent reason.

Carly grinned, 'that was the punishment for Freddie's misbehaviour.'

Freddie grunted. 'At least Carly doesn't draw anymore like a chimp.'

Carly glared at Freddie.

Spencer told once more that curfew today was at 10.30 p.m. 'Mrs. Benson is waiting next door… just in case.'

Carly and Freddie moaned.

The door to the loft went open.

Zoey wondered, 'the door was locked and chained when …'

Freddie moaned, 'not a problem for Sam!'

Sam stood in the loft, holding the smithereens of the door chain in her hands. 'My mom just had a laser surgery. She couldn't aim well enough when trying to halt the craft next to the plaza, so we halted it in the lobby, running over Lewbert… Zoey Brooks?' She almost threw up.

Zoey nodded sadly. 'Sorry for having been rude back then… Would yo please take care of Dustin?'

Spencer pointed at the baby.

Sam giggled. 'Dustin is like 14 years old!'

Zoey shrugged.

Spencer tried to tell the story of Dustin, Quinn, etc.

Sam didn't care. 'Now chill out, we're going to take care of the beast!'

Zoey and Spencer walked out.

Freddie could not stop laughing. 'Some adults are really crazy.'

Carly sighed.

Freddie asked, 'will we have a baby too, Carly? Like, in five, four, three, or two…'

Carly gasped, '5,4,3, or 2 what? Months? Years?'

Sam gestured wildly, expressing that Freddie was gaga.

Dustin started weeping.

Freddie remarked that Dustin needed his diapers changed. 'That's what my baby cousin Stephanie[7:3] needs when she cries like that…'

Sam pushed Freddie aside, helping Carly to accomplish her dirty task.

Carly moaned, 'I don't complain this time, but if Dustin persists, we need to call for Nevel's help. He may lull babies asleep with his recorder.'

Freddie and Sam glared aghast.

Carly sighed sadly. 'My cousin Megan's oboe can do the same, but she's too far away.'

Freddie nodded with disgust.

Sam moved part of the diapers away. 'Nooooooooooo!'

Carly and Freddie looked puzzled.

Sam boomed, 'that is Dustin! I remember that scar on this compromising spot!' She covered Dustin's skin fast with fresh diaper cloth.

Freddie choked. 'I don't want to know the details…'

Carly grunted, 'what have you done to Dustin when he was ten eleven years old?'

Sam grinned silently. 'We were very close…'

Carly threw up. _Dustin had been so sweet and innocent. It can't have been anything but Sam's fault… she so does not deserve Dustin, no matter how old he looks like!_ She grabbed Dustin, and she cuddled him tightly. _Zoey had said that Dustin was one of the few boys that could never push a girl badly. He had understood at an early stage that machos and jerks are every bit deprecable._[_7:4_]_ He so deserved an overall nice, smart, and sweet girl…_ She was close to rubbing his nose with hers.

Freddie gasped, but for another reason. 'Sam? So I was not your first kiss?'

Sam grinned. 'Wow, it took you quite a few months to recognise this, Dorkward!'

Freddie banged his head against the door. _So he had sacrificed his lips unto Sam, just for a lie of hers? That was so…_ 'Arrrrrghhhhh!'

Sam and Freddie started fighting.

Carly needed to intervene. After placing Dustin in some safe spot, she raced to the fire extinguisher, and she squirted the combattants with foam. 'Cool down!' Then she stepped back to Dustin, kissing him gently on the forehead.

Dustin was in safety.

Now carly took a blanket and started to clean Freddie and Sam. 'The two of you have kissed? Behind my back? And you call yourself my friends?'

Freddie and Sam accused each other wildly.

All of a sudden, the baby was gone. Dustin appeared as the teenager that he used to be. 'Freddie! Sam!' Then he smiled and hugged Carly, albeit blushing like a tomato.

Finally, Freddie and Sam calmed down.

Sam was consternated when she saw teenager Dustin again. 'Wow!'

Dustin explained that Sam had exaggerated. 'It is true that she had kissed me, and other boys before me, on the mouth, not really big things, but the scar … she had talked me into a common ride on a shortcircuited scooter of one of Zoey's friends. It didn't go too well… some shrubbery appeared to hate us… that's where the scar's from. I know, I should have rather listened to Zoey.' He sighed.

Sam grinned. 'What a softie… even Gibby was tougher than that!'

Carly was still mad because Freddie and Sam had kept their kiss a secret. 'And Sam, you could have mentioned the kiss…'

Sam sighewd deeply. 'If I had mentioned those kisses, Freddie would have been sad forever, and he would never have kissed me.'

Freddie choked. 'You wanted to get me to kiss you?'

Sam bellowed, 'oh yeah, Fredward, for two years I've been trying to…'

Freddie collapsed.

Carly walked closer to Dustin. 'OK, Dustin, how did you feel as a baby? I think that would be a great topic for our next show.'

Dustin blushed, 'yeah, I've always wanted to be part of the show, sometimes…'

Carly grinned.

Dustin admitted to have been an undying worshipper of Carly and the show ever since melanie had introduced the show unto the other kids at their schools. 'But I've thought you would always ignore me…'

Carly sighed deeply. 'OK, at some point, I would have done so, but after all the ugly experiences with pushy boys like Freddie, Griffin[7:5], and so on… I know what I've got in such a sweet and timid fan. You don't happen to collect peewee babies, do you?'

Dustin grinned. 'No, I only collect things that my parents send me from England.'

Carly smiled.'Cool! My dad is now docked in a submarine in London. Maybe we may visit our parents together? He sometimes sends me cool things from Europe, too'

Dustin smiled. 'Sure!' He cheered at maximum volume.

Carly threw her arms around Dustin. 'Awwww…'

Freddie and Sam felt left out.

Suddenly, the TV turned itself on.

Nevel appeared. 'You rue the day, you rue it… wait, who's that?'

Carly explained that it was the same person as the baby that had recently caused a lot of terror here.

Nevel grunted, 'OK, Carly, this time, you don't need me, but one day… and don't dare to claim that your cousin plays better lullabies!'

Carly shrugged. 'What if I do?'

Dustin had got an idea. 'Why not make a contest in _iCarly_, and let the viewers decide?'

Freddie and Sam beamed. 'An excellent idea!'

Carly swooned. 'Aw Dustin, you really make our show.'

Nevel agreed. 'OK… prepare your cousin to lose badly!'

* * *

**Chapter 8 Like A Trojan Horse**

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

an hour later

******Place**:

* * *

lobby of _Bushwell Plaza_

******People**:

* * *

Spencer Shay, Zoey Brooks, Lewbert, Mrs. Puckett, Quinn Pensky (phone)

* * *

Back from basketball practice, Zoey and Spencer entered _Bushwell Plaza_ through a hole in the backwall which had been struck by Mrs. Puckett's car like a meteorite.

Lewbert and Mrs. Puckett were flirting amidst of the ruins.

Zoey was disgusted, but she remained silent about that, She had to drag Spencer into the elevator. 'It works again, doesn't it? Carly said that it had been malfunctioning a few weeks ago.'[8:1]

Spencer nodded while he whimpere with pain. 'My worst buttache… ever!' He held his hurting and cramping hindside muscles.

Zoey moaned, 'Carly was so right… you've still got the hang out of the moves of basketball, football, whatever, you're just one lazy sucker.'

Spencer pouted.

Zoey smiled. 'Tomorrow, it's swimming, it won't matter so much whether your hindside muscles cramp and ache like hellfire.'

Spencer sighed. He could not have stayed afoot without resting his head on Zoey's shoulders.

Zoey took her cellular phone. She started typing a long number.

'Quinn Pensky,' replied the recipient of the call.

Zoey smiled. 'Hi Quinn, have you made any progress?'

Quinn confirmed Zoey's guess, and she announced to come over in an hour.

* * *

**Place**:

* * *

the Shay loft

******People**:

* * *

Carly Shay, Dustin Brooks, Fredward Benson, Samantha Puckett, Spencer Shay, Quinn Pensky (later)

* * *

The kids were shooting rubber-headed arrows on virtual targets when the elevator's door opened.

Spencer and Zoey saw teenage Dustin and Carly arm in arm.

Spencer was so flabbergasted, he slipped and ended up on his sore butt. He squealed with excessive agony.

Sam chuckled mercilessly.

Zoey helped Spencer. She told Carly about his progress.

Carly chuckled.

Alas, Zoey was, of course, no less surprised. 'Carly? Dustin?'

Carly sighed. 'He was such a great fan of my show, and he's really all sweet and innocent and smart…'

Zoey sighed somewhat with relief, because she preferred Carly clearly over Sam as a sister-in-law. But, like Spencer, she had to insist in a few rules.

Carly and Dustin shrugged.

Carly asked Spencer whether she was allowed to go to _PCA_ for her junior year.

Spencer nodded. 'Grandpa always wanted me to send you to a decent boarding school.' _The old shark had never trusted in Spencer's abilities as a guardian._

Carly smiled. 'We will still to the rules there… promised.'

Zoey nodded. 'No coffee after dinner…'

Carly smiled. 'I had never had any problems with coffee.'

Spencer explained, 'because I always gave you caffein-less coffee.'

Carly was consternated. 'What?' Angrily, she pinched Spencer's sore hindside, making him whimper again.

Zoey chuckled. 'Root coffee is OK.'

Dustin sighed.

Quinn appeared in the open elevator. 'Hi Zoey, hi Dustin… Dustin?!'

Dustin waved. 'Hi!'

Carly smiled. 'That's Quinn Pensky?'

Sam nodded. 'She has repaired my mother more than a dozen of times…'

Quinn nodded. 'She's a tough patient that doesn't die too fast…'

Zoey grunted.

Quinn announced that Mrs. Puckett needed now a back surgery, as her spine was all contorted and stretched and bent after the previous accident. 'Cal has to give me a new uranium rod for my power generator, though.'

'Go ahead,' commanded Sam, 'and there's no need to hurry.'

Freddie chuckled.

Quinn smiled. 'OK, so … Zoey? Do we want to go home? Wait, are you and Spencer a couple?'

Spencer and Zoey glared at each other. 'Are we?'

Carly and Dustin looked quizzically.

Freddie felt all left out. 'And who loves me?'

Granted, Spencer was tem years older than Zoey, but Quinn's recent invention would be able to change that discrepance any time Spencer wanted to.

Sam suggested to give Freddie a try. 'But under one condition.'

Freddie wanted to know the condition.

Sam claimed, 'I am the boyfriend, and you are the girlfriend, Fretard!'

Freddie moaned, but he accepted. 'But how's that possible? I'm unfortunately male.'

Sam grinned. 'Quinn has invented someting…'

Quinn nodded. 'Oh yeah, there it is…' She gave Freddie one of the pills hormonal pills she had invented in order to allow Zoey to breastfeed Dustin. 'They aren't needed any longer!'

Freddie was slightly disgusted, but he took the pill.

It was a low-concentration pill, so it did not work as fast as the one that Logan had swallowed on accident.

Freddie, Sam, and Carly had to prepare the next web-cast.

Zoey mentioned Mandy, so Carly promised to get their stalking fan to date Robbie Carmichael.

* * *

**Time**:

* * *

a week later'

******Place**:

* * *

attic of Shay loft

******People**:

* * *

Fredward Benson, Samantha Puckett, Carly Shay, Mandy Valdez (later), Nevel Papperman (later), Megan Parker (later), Drake Parker (later)

* * *

Freddie counted the seconds with an audibly girly voice. 'Online in five… four…three…two' He decided to hide strictly behind the cam.

Carly opened the show. 'I'm Carly. Hi Dustin!' She knew that Dustin, Zoey, Lola, and Quinn were watching.

Sam triggered the applause. 'Yeah, I'm Sam, and today, we will show you the winner of our last contest. It is… Amanda Valdez!'

Mandy ran in. 'Hi!' She grinned while donning a duck costume.

Carly announced, 'Mandy is going to win a free trip to San Diego California and back, complete with two nights in luxury treehouse owned by one of our fans from there, Robert Carmichael.'

Freddie inserted a picture of the treehouse.

Mandy cheered.

Carly continued. 'The lift to San Diego will soon arrive. Now you see a new segment: _Music Duel_. In the red corner, there's our challenger, Nevel Papperman!'

Nevel walked in, exposing his recorder.

Sam continued, 'we welcome Carly's cousin Megan, in the blue corner!'

Megan jumped onto the stage with her oboe.

Carly explained that the viewers were going to decide who was the better of them.

Nevel was consternated because Megan looked like Carly.

The duel started. It lasted for about 15 minutes.

Now it was up to the viewers.

Nevel sighed. 'Carly, now I know that I must have thought of Megan wwhen I saw you first. Sorry for everything.' He blushed when he looked at Megan.

Megan Parker blushed back. She grabbed Nevel, whispering, 'love you too. Come, let;s make a list of pranks we have to pull on certain people, before our first common concert next week.'

Nevel grinned before he walked away with Megan.

Sam grinned. 'They will be a cute woodwind duet.'

Carly nodded. 'Megan has not come the long way here on her own, she is accompanied by her elder brother, the one and only…'

Sam completed, 'Drake Parker!' She triggered a mega applause.

Drake walked in. He hugged Carly. 'Long time no see!'

Carly smiled. 'In order to make up for Nevel's and Megan's lame music, Drake is now going to play a song for a special viewer, Dustin Brooks.' She blushed.

Sam grinned mischievously.

Drake grabbed his guitar, singing a song.[8:2]

* * *

Dragged in through the door  
Like the Trojan Horse.  
Placed onto the floor  
Like the Trojan Horse.  
Dustin looked around  
And his eyes remained the same  
But soon he would show more  
Like the Trojan Horse.  
Dustin says 'Five, For, Three,  
Come, Carly, dance with me!'  
Carly : 'Five, four, three, two  
I'm going to marry you!'  
They move a little fast,  
Now wait a little while  
If they want to last  
They show a bit of style.

* * *

Carly smiled.

Sam triggered the artificial applause.

Drake bowed to the audience. 'OK, the pupils of the _Pacific Coast Academy_ are watching us, right?'

Carly nodded.

Drake smiled. 'OK, I've got to say something to one particularly gifted actress with whom I've recently made a music video.'

Freddie focussed Drake's microphone.

Drake announced, 'Gloria Maria del Consuelo Martinez… I love you, and I want to be your prom date!'

Sam triggered the applause again.

Carly finally announced that Drake was the one to give Mandy a lift to San Diego where he lived next door to Robbie Carmichael, proud owner of her holiday treehouse.

Mandy smiled into the cam.

* * *

Quinn and her friends Cal, Cookie, and Evelyn Qwong continued their underground business for a few years, as nobody has yet been able to prove anything.

Mrs. Puckett has survived each and every surgery yet, along with a surgery that transplanted half of Lewbert's ward onto her butt.

Zoey started running a new great fashion studio, together with her new friends True Jackson and Geena Fabiano, whom Zoey got to know when Chase moved in with Geena's best friend Addie Singer.

Carly and Dustin were happy both at _PCA_ and ever since.

Freddie's pill wore out, and Sam didn't care how manly or girly he was, she liked him for completely different reasons.

Nevel and Megan were now playing lullabies for Drake's and Lola's real babies.

* * *

** 1:1**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Chase's Grandma_

**1:2**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Chasing Zoey_

**1:3**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Drippin'_

**1:4**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_

**1:5**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iGo Nuclear_

**1:6**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Spring Fling_

**1:7**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _The Play_

**2:1**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ ; _Favor Chain_

**3:1**:

* * *

cf. _Drake & Josh_ : _Mindy Loves Josh_

**3:2**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iMust Have Locker 239_

**3:3**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Trading Places_.

**3:4**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Bad Girl_

**4:1**:

* * *

allusion to some action movies about one James Bond which I don't own

**4:2**:

* * *

cf. e.g. _Zoey 101_ : _Haunted House_ — surname is chosen in affinity to True Jackson

**4:3**:

* * *

cf. _Drake & Josh_ : _Treehouse_, identified with Scooter from _Zoey 101_ : _Favor Chain_

**4:4**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Spring Fling_

**4:5**:

* * *

identifies the band from _Zoey 101_ : _Chasing Zoey_ with that of _The iCarly Show_ : _iAm Your Biggest Fan_

**4:6**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iAm Your Biggest Fan_

**4:7**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iStake Out_

**4:8**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Good-bye Zoey!_

**5:1**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ :

**5:2**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Backpack_

**5:3**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Spring Fling_

**6:1**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Jet-X_

**6:2**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iPromote Techfoots_

**6:3**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iKiss_

**6:4**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iRock The Votes_

**6:5**:

* * *

cf._The iCarly Show_ : _iTwins_

**7:1**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iQuit iCarly_

**7:2**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iGot Detention_

**7:3**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iPie_

**7:4**:

* * *

cf. _Zoey 101_: _Lola Likes Chase_

**7:5**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iDate A bad Boy_

**8:1**:

* * *

cf. _The iCarly Show_ : _iSaw Him First_

**8:2**:

* * *

a spoof off _Trojan Horse_ by LUV Connection

* * *

_This document was translated from L[A]T[E]X by __H__V__A__._


End file.
